How to Not Be the Abuser

how not to be the abuser

How not to be the Abuser

Written by AB

Having a relationship is an important element of human life and everybody wants a true and sincere relationship. But how many relationships are based on mutual understanding and respect? If you are in a relationship and you’d like to make sure that you are doing the right thing by your partner, ask yourself the following questions: Do you feel secure in your relationship? Do you really enjoy spending time with your spouse or partner? Do you think your partner tries to control your behavior or make you scared? Although having a sincere and loving relationship is a great blessing, not everyone goes into a relationship for the right reasons. Thus, there is a great increase in the number of abusive relationships in the recent years. This article explains how not to be the abuser.

Why is there a great increase in the number of offensive relationships? How do you identify an abusive relationship? How do you keep your relationship going in the right direction and avoid becoming either abused or the abuser in a relationship? These are some Why is there a great increase in the number of offensive relationships? How do you identify an abusive relationship? questions people want to know the answers in order to keep themselves safe from being abused, and still to maintain a healthy and sincere relationship. Today, in this post, I am going to answer some of these burning questions related to relationships.

How to Recognise whether You are in an Abusive Relationship

First of all, you need to identify the nature of your relationship whether you are in an abusive relationship or not. How do you identify the nature of your relationship? Here are some major signs of an abusive relationship.

  • If your partner keeps checking on you all the time to see where you are, with whom you spend your time, where you go shopping, with whom you talk on the phone or internet and etc., these are obvious signs that your partner wants to control your behavior and your activities and in this case you are definitely in an abusive relationship.
  • Accusing you without any legitimate reason of flirting or being unfaithful
  • Trying to isolate you from your friends and family just because of personal interests.
  • Constantly attacking your intelligence, looks, behaviour and approach, both privately and publically.
  • Making you responsible for the all problems and issues in the relationship
  • Yelling at you and threatening to use violence against your family, friends, you or your pet.
  • If your partner keeps comparing you with others and says things like “Nobody else will want or love you,” you are in an abusive relationship.
  • Grabbing, pushing, shoving, to have sex with you or force you to do things you do not want to do.
  • Forcefully wants to control your finances

Well, now you all know how to identify the nature of your relationship. It is time to talk about some of the ways on how not to be an abuser in a relationship.

Speak up and speak Right Away!

To maintain a healthy relationship, it is very important to bring to awareness everything that bothers you about your partner’s actions in the relationship. Although, you need to remember that when you point the finger at someone else, there are always three pointing back at you. Check your conscience first to see if you really do have an issue to deal with, or whether (on the other hand) you are being selfish, demanding or paranoid. Women’s intuition is usually very accurate, however if you have been betrayed or abused in the past, sometimes your intuition isn’t intuition but instead, insecurity. If you feel that things are truly unfair on you, it is good to bring the subject up early before it becomes a real thorn in your side.

If you want your relationship to flourish, do not hold onto things that bother you. Both partners should be doing this. When both partners work on the relationship together, being aware of the issues and problems in the relationship will maintain a solid and healthy relationship.

Support Each Other

Always be ready to offer courage and reassurance to your partner. It is really important to ask your partner if you can help whenever they need help. All healthy relationships are about building each-other up instead of putting down.

Respect Your Partner

Everyone has likes and dislikes so your partner can have too. It is not compulsory that your partner should always agree with your wishes and feelings. It is important to value feelings and wishes of your partner and keep them in your mind. Tell your partner about your plans and wishes and listen to your partner’s thoughts and feelings too. Mutual respect is the key to maintain a healthy and strong relationship.

Be Compromising

Disagreements are very common and usual things to happen in relationships. It is not a good technique to avoid such disagreements. Instead find a way to compromise if you face a disagreement on any issue. If you are a compromising individual, you will have success in creating and maintaining healthy relationships.

Privacy is a Must

If you are in a relationship, it does not mean you should share everything with your partner or that your partner should share absolutely everything with you. Although it is good to share your feelings and plans with your partner, there are some points where privacy comes in and either you or your partner need some space. You should respect the privacy of your partner to keep your relationship healthy and strong. Men don’t like to open up about their inner feelings to the same extent as women. They go into their own little cave in order to deal with their issues. When your man is in his cave, wait until he is ready to come out again before asking him if he would like to talk with you about the things that are bothering him. Men’s brains are physically wired differently to women’s and they need to deal with things differently than how women do. Allow him the space to do that.

Ask for Help

Always remember that you are not alone. You can ask for help from your friends and family when you feel that you are not having an easy time in your relationship. You can also seek help from a program that teaches about abusive relationships. Such programs can help you to stop being abusive and will help you to create a better relationship. There are organisations everywhere, ours being one of them, that can help you to leave an abusive relationship.


(note from the founder)

We will be creating some educational programs on this topic that we will run from our adult education colleges once they are up and running. Please keep a look out for those programs when they become available. Until then, I will post some articles here that were written by my own teacher and some written by myself, that will give you guidance on how to create a loving relationship.