Kind Words Will Prevent a Divorce

Words, when used incorrectly, will push your partner away. Kind Words Will Prevent a Divorce. Our tongue is the most vicious weapon of all. When people are frightened, they do and say things that they would not normally do or say. Sometimes they are cruel, trying to hurt one another because they are feeling frightened and insecure. It’s a form of trying to control. Other times they try to manipulate.

However, the best way to keep your marriage is not to be cruel or manipulative. The following words are those which you utterly must not state if you truly wish to change the mind of your mate.

Don’t Try to Manipulate

If you wish to change the mind of your spouse or mate concerning anything, you simply cannot say “But I love you…” It’s a fact that stating and stressing how much you love them isn’t going to get them to change their mind. Those are YOUR emotions, not your mate or spouse’s. They have nothing to do with how your partner is feeling. Your partner will likely feel that you are trying to manipulate him or her if you say this to them.

When you state “But I love you…” you are in reality telling your mate that you wish him or her to do something your way. Not his or her way. You are trying to control and manipulate your mate or spouse.

Humans Love Themselves

Recall from the previous article in this series that “human beings tend to love themselves to a higher degree than anything else.” When you state “I love you…” you are in reality loving yourself more. You wish your spouse to do things which will gratify your ego, thus you wish your spouse to do things your way. And your spouse recognises it! He or she is not going to alter his or her mind simply because you tell them “I love you…”

Your Partner Owes You Nothing

If you wish your spouse to do particular things your way, you must not say to your partner “But I’ve done this and this for you…” If you gave out of the goodness of your heart, it was done out of Love. Love asks nothing of itself. Remember the verse in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 verses 4 – 8.  Here it is again:

⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ⁸ Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; and as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

Pure Love

Don’t remind your partner of the past about what you’ve done for him or her. The past is already deceased. Stressing how much you’ve done for your mate or spouse will only tell him or her that he or she owes you. That they have to do stuff your way because that’s the price they have to pay for all that you’ve helped them do in the past.

True love, pure love asks for nothing in return for what it has done for others. The sun does not ask us to give it something in return for shining its light and warmth upon us. Neither should we either.

The more you make statements like this, the more your mate will wish to drift apart from you or leave you. He or she will be too frightened to be with you as they know that their motion is restricted by how much they may have to repay you. So, at any expense, prevent giving them the feeling that they have to pay a price simply to be with you! No one on this Earth likes to be commanded or restricted by another individual!

Your Partner is Not Obliged

Prevent stating things like “But it’s your duty….” Your mate won’t like to be tied down by duty or obligations. When it bears on relationship, there can be no rules. Love is unconditional. By stressing too much on duty, you’re going to turn your mate off.

He or she won’t want to be with someone who wishes to impose rules and ordinances on them. So, it is your job and obligation to see that you give your spouse no excuse to leave you for some other individual.

So, what precisely must you say if you wish to alter the mind of your spouse to make them accomplish things your way, or view things your way?

Emphasise the Advantages

First of all, stress the strong points if they view things your way. Let them recognise the advantages and benefits of being with you. Provide them clear-cut explanations.

Second, remember that your mate isn’t concerned about what other people want. He or she isn’t worried about what you need or feel is owed to you. He or she is more interested in what they want and what they may receive. A lot of times, they’re not against your thoughts, or whatever it is you need, but they’re really against your pushing aside their freedom of choice.

Give Your Partner Freedom of Choice

So, provide them what they desire. Provide them freedom of choice. Let them know they’ve got the freedom to choose what they wish to believe in or what they don’t wish to believe in. And let them know they’ve the freedom to decide what they wish to do, and what they wish not to do.

Magic Words

Magic words must come from an equally magic heart. If you don’t actually mean what you say, your partner is going to know that you’re faking it and won’t be fooled by you. However, if you sincerely mean these words, they will help to restore the love and trust between you.

The magic words you are able to tell them are “Yes, I comprehend what you’re saying. Why don’t you try it or do it…”

“Yes” is the magic word which unites you and your partner right away.

“I comprehend…” demonstrates that you’re with your partner, you’re hearing them out, and you honour their decision.

“Why don’t you try it or do it …” tells them you back their decision or choice, even though you’re not in favour of it.

Don’t Fear the Competition

If you’ve got a competitor, always remember, the individual who may give your mate more freedom of choice will most likely be the one your mate wishes to be with most.

If you bear all the above precepts in mind, you’re likely to have more success in altering your mate’s mind and drawing them back towards wanting to be with you rather than wanting to run away from you.

For the magic to truly work though, there has to be a change of heart within you. You have to stop trying to control your partner and start letting him or her make their own decisions. You have to learn to become authentically good. Wearing the mask of goodness simply won’t suffice. Goodness has to be a very real part of who you are in order for it to work.

~.* ♥ *.~

The first novel in our series of seven is now published, and is a courageous story of a young teen growing up in a home filled with domestic violence, and how she manoeuvres her way through such a difficult situation. Click here if you’d like to know more about this novel.

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