Overcoming Bashfulness

This is the second in our series of articles this month for teens. Shyness with members of the opposite sex is common among young people. You are not alone in this problem. Overcoming Bashfulness and getting over self-consciousness to the point where you can relax and be friendly with those you most admire is indeed a challenge. It seems that the more thrilled you are with the presence of someone, the more likely you are to be embarrassed.

However, with experience you gradually become more comfortable with the opposite sex. Then, as you develop poise and self-confidence, you discover and put into practice more and more of the art of dating. How to develop that poise and confidence is the question.

Since girls grow up sooner, and are ready for dates before boys of their age and grade generally are, a particular problem for a teen-age girl is how to get a bashful boy to notice her. This is why girls’ clubs so often center around planning boy-girl activities. Many a shy boy has come out of himself at a well-planned party. With encouragement he finds that he can carry on a conversation and have fun in a mixed group.

Off to a Good Start

Soon he, too, is ready for dates, usually first with the girl who was friendly and approachable while he was getting up his courage to ask her.

A guy needs to be reasonably sure a girl wants to go out with him before he asks her. So it’s a girl’s responsibility to let a boy know that she is interested in him, without behaving so boldly that she scares him off.

When Girls Take the Initiative

There is a thin line between being available and being too forward. The girl who gets a reputation for being a flirt finds that many of the nicer boys and girls avoid her. Yet, when a girl acts too demure or feigns coolness or disinterest out of fear, she may chase boys away and miss out on the fun of friendship and dating. It is important to remember that boys are also scared and shy, and a smile or gesture from you can begin a friendship.

Girls frequently ask if it’s all right to telephone the boys they like. Well—let’s look at it from the boy’s point of view. What if Joan calls Bill about a specific question, or to invite him to some definite affair. He can respond without necessarily feeling that she has put him on the spot. If she calls repeatedly, or for no particular purpose except to chat aimlessly, his family may tease him and he becomes embarrassed by her “chasing.”

Saying Hello

Custom has it that a girl may speak first when meeting a boy on the street or in the hallway at school. She doesn’t have to wait for the boy to nod or address her. It’s simple courtesy that she recognises him with some friendly greeting or gesture. She does this by making some pleasant sign that she recognises the boy, and that she feels friendly toward him. She may smile or nod, or say “Hello” or “Hi, Alex!” Perhaps she’ll add some casual remark.

But a girl should not interrupt a boy who is talking to someone or is with a group of other boys. Or a boy who is obviously absorbed in something else. That, too, is simple courtesy. Only when a boy indicates his awareness of her by disengaging himself from the group may she greet him. Or when he shows her in some other way that he knows she’s there.

Moving Too Fast

A girl gets a reputation for being “fast” not because she’s friendly toward boys. Rather, it’s because of the way she behaves when they are around. The “forward” girl overly emphasises the fact that she’s a female. She does this by the way in which she dresses, walks, talks, looks, and laughs. She goes beyond the bounds of what is considered “nice” in her attention to the boys. By her seductiveness she encourages boys to be too fresh, too loud, and too boisterous.

Is it ever alright for a girl to chase a boy? Throughout the ages women have found ways of being appealing and interesting to the men they have liked. Nowadays girls are taking more initiative than ever. The important thing is that a girl not be too obvious, or she defeats her own purpose. It’s best if she waits for some sign of a boy’s interest before she embarks on a campaign. And then she must make it look as though he, rather than she, is the pursuer. In Grandma’s formula, it’s alright for a girl to “chase a guy until he catches her.”

~.* ♥ *.~

The first novel in our series of seven is now published, and is a courageous story of a young teen growing up in a home filled with domestic violence, and how she manoeuvres her way through such a difficult situation. Click here if you’d like to know more about this novel.

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