Choosing the Right Life Partner

written by JMac ©

We all desire the right partner in life. In our heads we already have a picture of the perfect man or woman that we want to spend the rest of our lives with – how tall we want them to be, hair colour, eyes colour, skin and character. It’s like a shopping list of things that we want from the mall, but real partners aren’t displayed on the shelves at Tiffany’s or Coles, or ordered on Amazon. They are real people with real feelings. If you desire such then I will have that you are not alone in your quest. Although both men and women might seek similar traits in a partner, research has demonstrated that each gender focuses on different qualities. Men typically want a relationship that allows autonomy, while women look for a sense of connection. Choosing the right life partner takes awareness and the ability to observe others without judgment, need or desire.

In our quest to find the right partner it is advised to have an idea of certain traits and behaviours that you seek, and although physical traits like hair colour and height are important to you they are not criteria in having a healthy, long term relationship if we seek such. Certain qualities are more important than this.

Guidelines to the Perfect Relationship

• Find someone who you are attracted to: this is the first and a foremost criterion in a relationship. If you are not attracted to a certain person then such person is not an ideal partner. Attraction means the person has a certain amount of appeal to you, however, you will do well to remember beauty is only skin deep so going for compatibility works best. Loving a person just for their looks is definitely looking to shoot yourself in the foot before you have even begun.

• Don’t make choices out of fear: going into a relationship or staying in one out of fear of being alone or other issues is not advisable. If it doesn’t feel right then wait for the one that does. There is no use diving in only to get burnt at the end of the day, thereby getting thrown into anxiety and depression.

• Find common interests between you and your partner: this is ideal as you can both do things together and discuss common topics without boring each other to death. Having common interests reduces chances of ego problem in relationships. Your partner’s interests don’t have to be tailor made to yours so you don’t miss out on new experiences with him or her.

• Have similar goals: having similar feelings on certain issues like having kids, changing locations, house chores and religion, are good signs in a relationship. When you both want different things in life, conflicts of interests tend to cause friction.

• Having similar money values: What do both of you like to spend your money on? Do you spend the bulk of your money on material things or on experiences? How much do you spend on items and experiences that aren’t essential to your survival? How much do you like to save? These questions are necessary in relationships; they’re the issues that rise above the inevitable squabbles that accompany all life partnerships and finding a common ground in it tends to make for a happier future.

Solution to Common Issues in Relationships

• Trust: Trust issues are common in relationships. She suspects you all the time, you think she is seeing someone else, she feels you are cheating. These are common problems, most people coming from insecure or broken homes or those who were shown little or no affection are top of the list on trust issues. If your spouse finds it hard trusting you, you can help by reassuring and making your plans and schedules as clear and open as possible. This is a great step towards helping them overcome their trust issues.
• Communication: This happens to be the heart of all relationships. When communication breaks down and you find it hard relating with your partner your relationship begins to have cracks. The faster these are mended the better, don’t wait for him or her to approach you first, make the first move or seek counselling.
• Nagging: (common mostly to women) He isn’t perfect and the fact that he leaves the toilet seat up or forgets to mow the lawn doesn’t mean he won’t be good at any other thing. Lead by example with gentle reminders and you are bound to see changes.
• Admitting you are wrong: Men especially have ego problems: you are late to dinner and instead of calling her ahead to apologise or reschedule, you don’t. Rather you arrive late and expect her to understand your excuses. Men are not alone in this as women are affected also. Admitting you are wrong in these instances are great steps to bonding in relationships.
• Accommodating mistakes: Not everyone is brought up with love and caring. Some people lack the ability to show emotions while others find feel suspicious or awkward when shown affection. They find it hard letting down their guard even when shown genuine affection, and they remain suspicious. These are not enough reasons to avoid relationships with a partner but being accommodating towards them, showing them love and care above all else and little by little they will let you through into their hearts. Showing affection to one another is paramount in every relationship.

Making the right choices in relationships may seem hard as there are times in all relationships when things don’t work out smoothly. There are bound to be glitches, however, following the above guidelines will go a long way in helping you find the right partner for a healthy, long term relationship.

~.* ♥ *.~

Update: The first novel in our series of seven is now published, and is a courageous story of a young teen growing up in a home filled with domestic violence, and how she manoeuvres her way through such a difficult situation. Click here if you’d like to know more about this novel.

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