Dating Violence Hurts Everyone
Dating Violence Hurts Everyone. Especially when it is repeated verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. It is used to frighten, hurt, and control a girlfriend or boyfriend.
It is a power play and may include:
- not allowing them to go out with friends
- telling them how to dress, act, or think
- hitting or slapping
- pulling hair
- threatening to find someone else
- name calling or put downs
- not letting them make decisions
- expecting them to apologise or cover for you
- following them around
- constantly criticising them
- jealousy
- possessiveness
- threatening suicide if they want to break up
- accusing them of flirting
- forcing sexual acts
- talking them into going further sexually than they want
- not letting them leave when they want
- destroying letters or gifts
- blaming them for violence
The person who is being hurt may:
- be scared
- feel confused that someone they love hurts them
- deny or minimise the behaviour
- try to change their behaviour to stop their partner’s behaviour
- change the way they dress
- give up or be cut off from their friends
- start to lose self-confidence
The person who is being violent may:
- make excuses for their behaviour
- think abuse is normal in a relationship
- make threats
- feel like they do not have control in the relationship
- grow increasingly abusive over time
- face criminal charges
- be dropped from their group of friends
If you are in a violent relationship:
- remember, you are not responsible for the violence — you cannot make someone hurt you, they choose to do it
- the abuse will happen more and hurt more without outside help
- find someone to talk with about the abuse
- think of ways you can be safe
- recognise that sometimes it is dangerous to be with your partner, even though you care about them
If you are being violent in your relationship:
- no one can make you use violence—you are the only one who can choose to be abusive
- no one has a right to control or hurt another person
- accept responsibility for your actions
- find someone to talk to who can help you
- remember, you don’t have to physically hurt someone to be abusive — think about all of your behaviours
For Teens and Young Adult Women:
Dating violence, like domestic violence, is a pattern of controlling, and abusive behaviours of one person over another within a romantic relationship. It can include verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, and financial abuse. Plus it can occur in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. It knows no boundaries and crosses all lines of race, socio-economic status, etc. It CAN happen to ANYONE.
If you are a teen or young adult who has experienced dating or sexual abuse, and you want to seek advice or counseling about it, Lifeline offers a telephone counseling service on 1800 737 732 where you can talk to someone who can advise you what can be done about the situation. You may need help from the police and other such officers. Please do not hesitate to call if you feel you need help.
