Great relationships take work. A great relationship with the same partner cannot last for years unless the love you have for him or her is unconditional. This means, you must be open and honest and you must put Truth ahead of anything else in your life. It is of huge benefit to your relationship if you have learnt to love yourself before even entering into a relationship with someone whom you want to spend your life with. A great relationship cannot exist without self-love within those who are in the relationship.
Loving yourself begins by cleaning up your life, in all areas. It can start with getting rid of bad habits and looking after yourself by attending to your personal hygiene. Keep your space at home clean and tidy. Keep boundaries in other areas of your life as well. Also, eat foods that nourish and sustain you, go out and spend time in nature, and get plenty of rest. To top it off, laugh as much and as often as you can, because laughter is good for the soul. Then when you do fall in love, things are more likely to go well.
Maintain Your Own Sense of Self
For women, if you have found the man of your dreams, it’s important that you don’t lose yourself in the relationship by always catering to everyone else’s needs other than your own. Sure, look after your husband (and kids when they come along), but also you need to look after yourself too. Set aside a part of your week to do the things you love doing, and somewhere within that, express yourself creatively. Take art classes or learn to draw, or learn to create a garden or do something that is uniquely yours. Whatever it is that is just for you and about you, do it.
Also, share time with friends who support you and who don’t try to interfere in your life unless you ask for their help. There is a law called the Third Party Law that says that no two people will ever argue unless there is someone in the background helping to create that argument. Mothers-in-law are very good at stirring up trouble and are the kind of example I’m talking about. If you are in a good relationship, try to protect it wherever you can.
Losing Your Sexual Edge
For men, if, after having met a beautiful woman and marrying her, you find that you are with someone that you don’t absolutely and totally love, your sexual performance is often affected. But the truth is that no amount of working on your sexual performance is going to help you improve your sex life if you aren’t suited to the woman you are with. You must suit each other, and ‘fit’ one another perfectly.
Not all lovers suit each other. Unless you are working towards developing a deeper capacity to love by clearing out your insecurities, it won’t work. Unless you are transmuting the pain you’ve experienced during the course of your life the in the long run it won’t work. You also must deal with the pain you’ve inherited from your family line. If you aren’t going together on that journey, then it’s possible that you either have the wrong partner. Or, you have a partner that you weren’t meant to be together with for very long, even though you might love one another.
Love Dies when Lies Abound
Love cannot exist in an environment of dishonesty. To lie to your partner is to lie to yourself. If you don’t love Truth for Truth’s sake, then you should not be in a relationship. Not until you can be honest. Until you can put Truth ahead of romantic love and not sacrifice Truth in order to have access to regular sex (or to avoid losing your assets if you were to get divorced), you should not expect that the sex you have with your partner is going to be all that it possibly could be.
If you use a woman this way, she will know on an inner level that you don’t truly love her, and she will grow to hate or resent you. She might act like she enjoys the benefits of being married to a man who makes plenty of money that she likes to spend, but deep in her heart she probably resents you. She most definitely would be longing for the things that are missing from her marriage – honesty, respect and true love.
The most powerful thing you can ever do for your sex life is to become totally and impeccably honest. Not just now and then, but in every communication you ever have with your partner. When your honesty helps them begin to trust you with all their heart, then your sex life will improve. Often beyond what you could have ever expected.
He Isn’t Your Only Source of Security
The woman’s part in the healing journey is to not expect her partner to be her only source of security. She needs to find security within herself, so for both partners there should be no jealousy and no clinging. It’s not totally one partner’s responsibility to make a relationship work. However, there are many men who need to learn a whole lot more about what’s required to have a great relationship. About how to be a more evolved partner in a relationship so that it can actually work, and work well.
Essentially, if you approach your life this way, you’ll be moving towards God, because God is Love. God never created religion. Man did. All you ever have to do to develop your connection with God is to become more and more loving. To become more loving you have to become impeccably honest, and lose your motivation or agenda for your own selfish gain in life. Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” and “Love your neighbour as yourself.” To do these things is to become a loving individual – one who is warm and considerate, not one who is cold, cruel and selfish. Love is ultimately the only religion one should ever follow.
God in Human Form
As Barry Long says, woman is God in female form. So too is man, but only if he learns to be respectful, kind and loving. Aim to reach a point where you can be kind and tender with your woman. Aim to have an adoration of the beauty in her. Then you’ll start to BE Love, and your relationship will improve in all areas naturally because of it. Put love into all your other actions each day as well, and things will really start to flow. But that’s a whole set of lessons in themselves, which for now there’s no need to discuss here.
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