Finding The Right Date for You

This article is part of our series of articles for teenagers in the month of June 2018. Here we discuss Finding The Right Date for You, and we start by looking at what not to do.

It’s common knowledge that certain teenage girls swoon over movie and TV stars. They have idolised guys like Keanu Reeves, Russell Crowe, Johnny Depp, John Travolta, Paul Newman, and Richard Gere. Musically, there’s been Justin Timberlake, Sting, Billy Idol and Elvis Presley, for instance, and prior to them Frank Sinatra, and long before his time Rudolph Valentino.

But few girls actually ever expect to date such an idol. In fact, one of the functions of the celebrity is to serve as a focus for early infatuation without ever requiring the girl to do anything about it. It’s just as common for a guy to daydream about a movie queen—and a good safe practice, because he will never be expected to court and win her.

Obsessive Crushes

Occasionally, however, a young teen goes overboard in a crush on some unattainable guy or chick, so that he doesn’t make progress with those who are realistically available to him. It’s not just the movie or TV personality who’s unattainable. Many a young girl swoons over the football captain, the president of the senior class or one of the school representatives. Or the most popular boy in the school, with whom she hasn’t the ghost of a chance. Indeed, she wouldn’t even know what to do on such a spectacular date if she had it. Similarly, an inexperienced boy will sometimes moon over a popular teacher, or the school queen in America or the school captain in Australia – as unattainable for him as Miss Universe.

As long as these super romantic crushes prevail, the inexperienced boy or girl will probably make little progress in getting a date with anyone. For no real and available guy or girl can rival the “dream’s” charms and popularity.

Getting Real

Realistically, the beginning dater starts with someone who is not much more socially active than he is. The boy who has never dated courts rejection or failure by asking out the most popular girl in the class two years ahead of him. But he may make a good start with a friendly not-too-experienced girl a year or two younger than he is. A girl who wants to begin dating should look about for some pleasant, shy, interested guy in her own grade (or a class or so beyond) rather than wistfully pine for an older, inaccessible man about town.

Prove It To Your Parents

Many a girl comes home with stars in her eyes at having been asked out by a young guy, only to find her parents objecting on the grounds that she is still too young to date. And often a guy wants to take a girl out, but his mother or father insists that he give his full attention to his studies, saying, “There’s plenty of time later for playing around with girls.”

How can parents be convinced that you are ready for dates? This is a question that is asked by young people all over the world. Sometimes, of course, the parents are right, and their son or daughter is too immature to date. Actually it is up to you to prove that you’re ready to go out by proving that you’re grown-up. How do you do that? By taking real responsibility around the house. For example, by helping with chores such as car-washing, cleaning, lawn-mowing. Also, by showing an understanding and concern for your family’s problems and budget. And by doing your school work well.

Maybe you’ll also have to help your parents understand current dating habits in your community, so that they develop confidence in the social situations open to teenagers. It helps to encourage mothers and fathers to get out to parents’ meetings, to attend neighborhood affairs, and to keep up-to-date on school and social events. That’s your job – to get your parents involved in what you are doing. Do you let your parents in on your activities?

Why Not Talk About It?

You may wonder if reading books on dating and talking about dating problems can actually help. There’s no question about it—the more you learn about dating, the better. The fear that such guidance will “give young people ideas beyond their years” is groundless. Actually, if they did not have the ideas, they wouldn’t find such reading of interest. Good reading facilitates getting perspective on how other people feel. It also helps you to find out what is generally expected of you on a date. Also, becoming aware of the many ways you can approach the problem of getting along with others. Plus coming to terms with your unique answer to life’s questions about men and women. So do good discussions of dating, love, and marriage.

Furthermore, books about dating usually point out the fact that all the haunting questions, confusions, and problems that so baffle and hurt are common to most young people. It’s encouraging to know that one is not alone – that others are shy, others are clumsy. Reading from a printed page about a poignant experience that you thought was yours alone lessens your sense of loneliness and isolation, and makes you feel close to others again.

Of course, there is literature designed to be sexually stimulating rather than thought-provoking. Some jokes and talk are sexy and cheap too. But it’s easy to differentiate. That discussion is worthwhile if it aims at “growing you up” into the kind of individual you want to become. You’ll usually find it with other like-minded people. For example, under a wise leader, in school, church group, or informal club. Or, even among close friends who bring out the best in each other.

Are You Ready to Date?

How is it that some people start dating at such a young age, and others are so much older before they begin to have dates? Both teenagers and their parents often wonder what is the best age to begin dating. The question looms even more nowadays because so many young people start their dating so early in life. Should parents be concerned? Is there really a special age at which dating should begin?

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The first novel in our series of seven is now published, and is a courageous story of a young teen growing up in a home filled with domestic violence, and how she manoeuvres her way through such a difficult situation. Click here if you’d like to know more about this novel.

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