Why Do Relationships Break Down?
In our relationships, we often feel the need to be in control. This is for several reasons; fear of the unknown, insecurity in ourselves and a need to be right. If we learn to understand ourselves and our insecurities and understand our partner’s traits and insecurities, there will be less fear, less conflict, less tension, more balance and therefore, more love. Why Do Relationships Break Down? This is usually because men and women don’t usually have a clue about the differences between them.
Women are very clear on what they need but they tend to express their needs much less than men in a relationship. A man will tend to give little or no heed to needs that are not expressed, creating further dissatisfaction in a woman. This inability to express her needs becomes the single biggest factor in relationship breakdown with the woman then seeking a friend, or another man, to confide in and share with.
Women Mature Through Relationships
Men in relationships often don’t realise how much women’s needs change over time. They don’t factor in a partner’s growth and maturity over the course of a relationship. Instead, they assume that her needs have remained the same over time.
Women tend to take on a wide range of responsibilities and spread themselves too thin, in and out of relationships. Women often try to please too many people, at the expense of their own needs and become resentful as a result. When a woman places more focus on her own personal growth and development, this in turn, benefits those closest to her because it translates into greater emotional stability and an ability to be more loving and nurturing.
Men’s Conditioning
Men have traditionally, not been brought up being encouraged to show their emotions or having learnt the importance of expressing emotion in order to enjoy satisfaction, upliftment and fulfillment in their relationships.
In fact, men have often been criticised for expressing emotions, hurts or pain through crying and judged or reprimanded for it, told to “man up” or “boys don’t cry” or made to feel they are being weak. As a result of this in their upbringing, many men benefit from gentle encouragement from a woman to be open and honest.
Men Feel Unable to Express Emotions
Another outcome of many men traditionally not having been brought up to express their emotions or share their feelings as children, is that by adulthood, they often have suppressed their need to share their hopes, dreams, aspirations and emotions held deep within. They need to feel safe and accepted in a relationship to do so. If a woman wants a man to open up, she has to learn to stay open to what she hears and how it is expressed, without being critical or judging him. If a man feels accepted, without judgement, he will be able to open up more quickly.
Men Become Defensive
Men are expected by women to do a lot of listening. This is despite this conditioning from childhood against sharing their feelings or expressing emotions. A man will often become defensive when he doesn’t need to be, rather than expressing himself. He doesn’t want to show that he might be ‘wrong’. He often hears criticism from a woman when that hasn’t been her intention. This is especially the case where high expectations were placed on him as a child – if he was strongly disciplined. Particularly in primary school before the age of 8 which caused him to feel that he needed to be perfect.
Men have also traditionally avoided emotional issues in a relationship as their minds are on other things such as protecting and providing for their family. They have not been taught that emotions have a value and change the depth of the relationship and it’s long-term potential. This grey area of emotions, their struggle with the peaks and troughs of emotions and their tendency to hear criticism, even when not intended, means men will easily lose hope in a relationship. They will easily slip into believing that there is no likelihood of finding a solution to a relationship problem. Therefore, men benefit from help in seeing that problems can often be effectively dealt with by consistent effort, over time.
Men’s Reaction to Stress
Men usually feel under pressure to provide for their family. Plus they also usually want to fix issues by finding a quick solution to what they see as the problem. Feeling this pressure will cause a tension in the body, leading to physical pain. They will therefore, often find it very hard to relax physically. They need to learn how to do so over time.
Men should try to understand that women just need to be heard and supported in what they need to express. This is as opposed to expecting a problem to be resolved by the man. The don’t want him to fix them, they just want him to listen.
Men’s Sixth Sense is Often Lacking
Typically if a woman asks for nothing in a relationship, that is what she will get. If she asks for a lot, she will sometimes be given a lot. Women need to realise that men will not pick up on hints. They don’t know what a woman needs by sensing it. Women should openly discuss their needs and the reasons for them, including emotionally. Then the man is much more likely a man to set out to fulfill them.
By understanding these differences, men and women can deal with them. They can learn to complement each other in a way that leads to a deeply fulfilling partnership. One that can grow to higher and higher levels of love over time.
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