First Year Marriage Survival
Surviving your first year of marriage when you are a new couple can be challenging, especially if you are still learning about the other person. Generally, it is better to get to know someone before getting married but we all know this isn’t how things happen in life. You meet someone special who melts your heart and next thing you know, you’re head over heels for them. Already, you’ve been thinking of getting married and rush into things too soon. We’ve seen it so many times before with couples all over the world. Get all the info you need in the various articles that you find on our site, and start here with the First Year Marriage Survival guide.
If the two of you have not even lived together yet, there is a good chance that arguments will occur later in the relationship once you guys move in together. We often see this in many situations. It’s actually referred to as the “stages” in your relationship.
Each relationship goes through a stage, no matter how close you are to the person. You might be nit-picky person who prefers everything spotless while your partner just throws his garbage wherever he is standing.
Other issues may arise such as times for intimacy, working late, going out with friends, and how you handle business around the house. All of these things can contribute to how the two of you get along. Rules should be established so that way you both can live happily married.
The Basics
Marriage isn’t just trying to survive. It is more meaningful than that. Marriage is about making sacrifices for the one that you truly love. When they are sick, you make time away from work to take care of them. If your partner is upset about you going out a lot and not paying attention to them, you should give them more of your time.
Doing small things can be a big help and make the relationship less dramatic in the sense of arguments.
Make sure you let your spouse know how much they mean to you each day and never take them from granite. You never know when you will see them again and this is why it’s so important.
Communication skills are one of the most important aspects of marriage. If you can’t communicate with your other half, the relationship is doomed. Try talking less and listening more. Or if you are someone who talks more and listens less, it is time to lend them your ear. Maybe your spouse wants you to listen to them so that way you’ll know exactly how they feel about a certain situation.
Survival and Marriage
In order to survive marriage, you need to know what your priorities are first. Work should never be your first priority, although your parents might say so otherwise. Your spouse should always come first. After all, they are the person that shares the home with you, cooks meals, makes extra money for your both, helps watch the kids, and be intimate from time to time.
Thriving
There is so many activities to do in marriage and in this age, usually both people are working. This is what makes the marriage so difficult because men are not used to doing activities that a woman would be doing. For example, most men refuse to iron their laundry or clean the bathroom. It really isn’t something they would do. And forget planting flowers out in the backyard. They won’t even go near the flowers.
Men are trained to work hard by their fathers and get a good education to provide for their family. They aren’t the ones who can become pregnant and grow close to their child. Usually, once the mother has given birth is when they become emotional. A man needs to see their child in order to believe the reality of the matter. They do not understand what women go through during pregnancy and they expect us to do everything around the house.
Women are generally more emotional and seem to talk more than doing household work. If the toilet leaks or the sink is broken, guess who they call? They call their husband in a panic.
Who’s Good at What
Women are good at doing chores such as doing the laundry, cooking a delicious meal, and getting all dressed up to go out with their husband after work.
Eventually, at the end of the day – both man and woman are in the same bed. The woman is reading her book, focused intently on what she is reading. The man can only thing about one thing and that’s sexual intimacy. This is the only time he begins to talk to her, trying romance and even being affectionate with her.
Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. When men do get their way, they usually climb on top and make love for themselves, not for their woman. When they’re done, their spouse just lies there, trying to catch her breath.
The problem is that the man falls asleep pretty quickly without saying I love you or anything that shows his wife appreciation. It is like nothing ever happened. Obviously, this is because most men aren’t emotional and they just do things whenever they like.
Dividing everyday activities and trying to spend time together on an emotional or physical level can be challenging. Currently, this is why couples are heading straight toward divorce. It’s because they don’t know how to communicate and be fair to their spouse. It only takes cooperation, listening, and a little empathy when it comes to the other partner in your marriage.
Difficulties of Marriage
There are many difficulties when it comes to marriage. The ones that occur the most are high expectations, desire for intimacy, need for connection and money problems. All of these topics can contribute to a problem. The husband may spend a lot of money on his gambling habits while the wife is upset and just wants him to stop. They need that money for their children.
Sometimes the problem lies with the woman. She is often so busy doing things around the house, or working (or doing both), that she becomes stressed and then sex is the last thing on her mind. However, the husband physically needs intimacy and without it, he may feel as if he is growing apart from his wife.
Hardships
You see, it’s all the little things that will add up to cause a husband and wife to start arguing. They may grow resentful toward one another and not want to work things out with each other. Some may try but sometimes the other partner isn’t as cooperative as the one who is trying to make things work. This is what makes relationships so difficult. Here are the four difficulties when it comes to marriage:
Expectations
The wife has such high expectations for you when you get home. She doesn’t want you to leave your towel on the floor and also won’t let you eat in the bedroom, out of concern for the mess that you’ll make and the cleaning up that she’ll have to do afterwards. This doesn’t make you thrilled at all. As for you, you expect your wife to always have dinner ready by the time you come home and to look her best. This is often all that you really care about.
Intimacy
If you’ve been craving intimacy for a few weeks and your husband is too tired to do anything with you, it is important to understand how he feels. Instead of pressuring him, give him a soft back rub that shows that you care. Do this before you make it into the bedroom. If you show him some care when you’re not in the bedroom, he won’t feel pressured into giving you sex. If you wait until you’re in the bedroom, he’ll feel that the care that you’re showing him has strings attached. All true care for another should be given with no strings attached. Besides, he may be under a lot of stress at work and he won’t want any more pressure from you. When it comes to intimacy, it works both ways for men and women.
Connection
Connecting with your marriage partner is very important. If the two of you have a deep connection, there is no room for divorce or a split up. Most couples who are connected with each other tend to understand one another better. Sympathy and empathy in the relationship go hand in hand. If their partner is sad then they are. Sometimes it may take a few years for a couple to feel truly connected with each other, and sometimes only a few months, depending on how open they are with one another.
Money
Sadly, financial issues are one of the top reasons for divorce. If the two of you have trouble handling money and bills tend to pile up, the relationship will become strained. Financial hardships cause a lot of stress on relationships.
The Possible Solution to the Marriage Problems
Being married has many benefits and if you stay together to work on problems that arise, the relationship will grow stronger. Keep in mind that both of you will want to work on marriage problems.
If only one partner is willing to go to counseling or talk to you about the issues of the marriage, it will be a one way street. This means that the marriage won’t be able to progress.
It is important to let your marriage partner know why you want certain habits in the relationship to change. Tell him/her you are serious and if things don’t change, that your relationship won’t be able to move forward, it will stagnate, and then eventually you might have to seek a divorce. Your spouse will see that you are talking sense and will want to change some of their habits. Of course – don’t be surprised if when the two of you sit down, they talk about some of the things you do. It is also okay for them to address your bad habits too when it comes to the success of your marriage.
Solutions
Solutions are fairly easy to come up with in a marriage but sticking to those solutions isn’t always easy. This is what the two of you must overcome and if one of you has trouble sticking to your goals, then communication is necessary.
The other person might come to reality and let you know they just cannot change, even though they have tried. Some people are at a spot in their lives where they really don’t want to change.
Something must fuel their strong desire to change. Most of the time, this desire is to keep you and make their family life better. You should understand that with possible marriage solutions, not every idea you come up with will work. For example, if you decide to have separate bank accounts because of your wife’s spending habits – she might even beg you to lend her money. This creates tension on the marriage, because you see her habits unfolding once again and this leads to an argument.
Why It Won’t Work
Maybe it’s not the wife this time. Your husband often goes to the pub after work and leaves you at home. His excuse is that you never are intimate with him. Possibly the reason why you aren’t intimate with him is because his manhood doesn’t work after he’s been drinking, so of course you’re not going to be intimate with him!! Let him know it is not okay to do this and the next time he does it, you’ll go and stay at your mother’s for a few days.
Be Intimate
Once you come back, focus on the intimacy in your relationship. Are you too tired to be intimate with him? Focus on his needs earlier, before you both go to bed. Make it fun and don’t act like it’s a chore. In almost all situations, both of you enjoyed each other when you first entered the relationship, right? By bringing him back to this time, he will appreciate you and stay home more often. If he doesn’t, it may be time to let it go as this really wasn’t his excuse to go out.
There have been studies done and the results found that women who make love to their husband every night of the year, have happier marriages and their husbands don’t stray to be with anyone else. Try it. You’ll soon realise how easy it is to keep a man happy.
The Types of Education for Early Marriages
Do you know the types of education for early marriages? There are about five stages of marriage where the couple gets to know each other, face problems, argue, get over these problems, focus on children, and become successful in their marriage.
The majority of the time, this will take many years. However, some couples are blessed from the get-go. They were friends for such a long time that they know the habits of their spouse and no longer have to work at the marriage. Everything seems to come alive by itself. When this happens, it is an apparent that the two of you are closely bonded.
Education
Now, if you are experiencing relationship problems, you may be in the early stage of “reality”. At this stage, you are just getting to know how they act in certain situations. You may see your husband or wife at their worst when they are angry or upset. This can be a scary situation, especially if you have not seen these types of emotions from your partner before. Much of the time, this will cause arguments down the road.
Let’s go ahead and look at some of the types of education for early marriages and how each stage unfolds:
The Honeymoon Stage
Almost always in the honeymoon stage, couples are extremely excited about one another and the romance seems to just take off on its own. This is because they aren’t experiencing any problems in life. Most couples engage in fun sexual activities with one another and will also enjoy basking in romance.
This is a time when couples go out for dinner with each other, exercise together, and go to parties together. The honeymoon stage can either be before the wedding or after it, on their honeymoon. It really depends on the length of time you’ve known the person.
Reality Stage
At this stage, some couples feel lost and will even compare their partners with a past boyfriend or girlfriend. They begin to feel that the relationship is a mistake and they might not be compatible with that person. Feelings of sadness, disappointment and even anger can surface. This is perfectly normal and the reason why couples go through this is because problems are starting to peek through. When a couple is very close with one another, they’ll often see the “bad” characteristics of that person. This leaves the other person distraught and unsure of what to do in the relationship. Most of the time. Normally, the reality stage lasts up until two years.
Family Stage
The relationships becomes closer in childbearing years due to some of the conflicts that may arise. Instead of the focus being on the marriage itself, everything is directed toward the kids. The man and woman work harder to reach their goals, instead of going out on a romantic date. They realise that planning a family involves a lot of preparation.
Once they have a child together, they’ll become closer as a couple in order to try and make their child happy. Problems such as the baby crying, hospital visits, and financial issues may arise at this time but by now – you both will know how to handle it once the reality stage as passed.
The Success Stage
If the two of you have been together for ten years or more, there is a good chance you have completed the success stage. Usually when your children become teenagers or adults, you’ve gone through everything there is to go through possibly in a marriage. It is safe to say you have found a life partner where the two of you will be there until the very end. Congratulations!
The Basic Soft Skills for Newly Married Couples
Are you newly married and want to know the basic soft skills you’ll need in order to progress through the marriage? In order to do this, you cannot ask too much from your partner and communication is key. Accepting your partner how she/he behaves is very important.
You can always talk about any bad habits or behaviour later, but wait until counseling. For now, it’s better for the both of you to fight once in awhile and come to terms with annoying in-laws. If there are more than a couple problems, you can address them all at once.
Love
The number one thing that holds a relationship together is unconditional love for the other partner. If you love them for their personality rather than what they look like, there is a good chance the two of you will go far in life. Your wife could be an incredibly gorgeous looking woman and later become bigger because of the last two children she blessed you with.
In another instance, you absolutely adore your handsome husband but something has changed his life. He was recently caught in a fire, leaving him scarred everywhere. The two of you grew closer and even though he has scars on his face and some disfigurement, you still love him for his personality. He’s always been a funny and outgoing guy. Give him lots of love and appreciate that he’s still around. Remember that the burns from the fire could have been so severe that they might have been fatal.
What to Expect
Whatever you do, it’s not a good idea to nag on your partner or expect too much. This can be extremely stressful on them. It is better to encourage them and give them suggestions at this point. By doing this, you will help them grow as a man or woman and develop better habits. If your guy was messy before he even met you, there might have been some small changes. Instead of throwing his coat on the floor – he picks it up. This is obviously a mark of progress but don’t expect him to clean the whole house or do laundry.
Communication
Talking with your spouse is very important. If the two of you can’t discuss important problems, issues, or dates within the relationship – consider the marriage over. You might still be in the reality stage of your marriage and in this case, you are just getting to know that your partner is very shy around people. If he is shy around you, give him a slight push.
You’ll need to do this by asking him questions and talking about anything that comes to mind. In time, he’ll come around so try not to worry so much about it.
The More Difficult Skills
Marriage can be a beautiful thing but incorporating difficult skills into a new marriage isn’t something that everyone wants to do. However, you must do this in order to make sure the marriage progresses. If you don’t, the marriage will be doomed and you’ll practically have nothing to work with.
Remember that Earth was created for humans to interact with each other and most of our life revolves around family memories. This is absolutely precious to us. Family should always come first instead of going out with friends, working too much, or stressing over small things that do not have any direction towards the relationship. Take it slow and enjoy your time.
Always be firm with your partner by incorporating difficult skills into the relationship. Here are a few you’ll want to learn about:
Difficult Skills – Problem Solving
Whenever the two of you want to go eat out, it is a constant battle. For example, he enjoys eating food from South America while you only like to eat sushi. He absolutely hates sushi and anything with fish or rice with soy sauce isn’t something he would like to eat. This leaves you feeling distressed when it’s finally time to eat out.
How about going to two different restaurants to get what both of you want? You can order take out and go eat it at home, or plan a romantic dinner at the park. If you want to eat at a real restaurant though, just bring your food with you that you bought from the other restaurant. The two of you will be happy and won’t argue anymore with this type of technique. As you can see, problem solving in a marriage is very important.
Put Your Spouse First
This is probably the most difficult thing to do since most of us are generally selfish beings. However, if you love your spouse – you should do this for them. Find out what they want. You can always make room for your needs on a different day. If they are feeling stressed, sad, or angry – talk with them. Ask your spouse if you can do anything to make he/she feel better. They will start to develop more respect toward you.
Be a Forgiver
Many times in relationships, the wife or husband does something wrong that upsets the others. This leaves feelings of disappointment, anger, despair or even sadness. Hold your feelings back and talk to them about why they did what they did. If it is an issue with cheating, you’ll need to know why they did this to you. Many times when people cheat, their spouse is not giving them what they need. The most apparent reason is for lack of intimacy or lack of emotions. People will have an emotional or physical affair, depending on what
problems are within the marriage. Instead of getting upset, just let them know how hurt you are and you want to make it work. Give them at least one more chance.
The benefits of marriage survival
Surviving marriage has great benefits for couples. Some of them include growing emotionally as an adult, become more loving, being able to express your issues with your other half, and even becoming financially stable with the two of you working.
Marriage vows entail being together forever and you should be there for your spouse at all times. By doing so, you will become a mentally healthy person and will also help them as well.
Kids can greatly benefit from your marriage as we all know what anger does to kids when their parents experience divorce. Do yourself a favour and don’t let them go through this. Taking your time to make it work is the best thing for your future. Don’t give up!
Here are a few benefits of marriage survival below:
Being happy in life
When you are with someone you truly love, you’ll become a happier person in life. After all, they are there to share laughter with you, cheer you up, or accompany you in times of sadness. If you are going for frequent hospital visits for cancer, you might feel anxiety but if
your other half is there to support you – you will have a much better day. This is just one example of what we are talking about. By having a partner, you won’t go through certain situations alone. Unfortunately, some people who are widowed or recently divorced become bitter and uncaring towards others.
Protecting your children
By staying in your marriage, you are protecting your children. For example, many girls who do not have fathers will most likely become pregnant at a young age or fall into a rebellious attitude which could result in drug use or drinking. A father is there to provide love, discipline, and protection to anything that or anyone who could harm his daughter.
Also, some kids will develop depression after seeing their parents split up. Our kids are incredibly precious and you’ll want to make sure they are okay. Seeing a kid grow up with sadness in their heart is something that could very well tear a parent apart. Most of the time, we would do anything for our kids to be happy. There is a greater chance of this if they children have seen their parents together for a long time. It may be a confusing and sad year for them. It doesn’t last for a year but can scar a child in life.
Become financially stable
Usually, it takes two people to support a household. If you happen to have kids, this makes matters worse. A single mother working one job may not be able to make it through because of the bills, the cost of a child, and surprise hospital visits. She might even get evicted from the home because of falling behind with the rent. However, with two people working, you will become financially stable. As long as the other partner and yourself handle money well and take care of the bills like you should, the two of you will be fine.
Make sure your partner doesn’t have a gambling problem and always look over your bank account statements to see what’s going on. You never know when money could “disappear”. This could be from identity theft or your spouse may be taking money from you for their poor spending habits. Sharing a bank account together should only be done once you have been together after a few years and trust them.
Here are the A-Z marriage secrets and tips for a successful marriage for newly-weds.
Advice
Offering advice to your partner in times of stress or problems is a great way to make the marriage really work. Often, they won’t take out their problems on you. Instead, they’ll feel the need to open their heart and talk about the problems. If you can offer your spouse advice if they ask for it (and not if they don’t), they’ll be grateful that they are with you. Don’t know how to give advice? No problem. You can always give them a backrub and
just hold them. Ask them more questions about the issue and give them eye to eye contact when they answer. It shows that you are interested in the problems that they are going
through. Most men don’t want to hear every detail of their spouse’s day. A few details are fine but when you over-do it, they can become overwhelmed and won’t know what to say.
Devotion
Being devoted to your partner means seeing them on a regular basis, making date nights happen, and spending time no matter how busy you are. If you have a small window to be with them on your day off, then go for it! If your love is in the hospital and hasn’t been able to walk for a month, visit them often. Bring him/her flowers and tell them how much you love them. Showing your devotion will have them realise how much you care for them and they’ll develop a strong bond with you. These types of relationships will blossom into something more and they tend to last for years at a time.
Honesty
If you are someone who is already honest, this may come easy for you. Did you have a wild party at home and all your buddies decided it would be funny to draw on your white wall? You had no idea this had happened, even when you got home. Your husband told you that your son was the one who drew on the walls. However, your son was at the party and taking pictures on his toy camera. Keep in mind, this camera actually processes films for kids. After finding all the pictures, you feel disappointed in what your husband did. As you can see here, being honest causes less problems in the relationship – even if it was your fault. If you cannot trust someone in the relationship, you will always be second guessing their actions in your mind. This is obviously not very healthy for you or your partner. You don’t want to accuse them of doing something wrong. Maybe they never did anything wrong and you are the one who owes them the apology. See what happens when honesty isn’t within the relationship? It just makes it worse.
Intimacy
Did you know that intimacy and love go together? While some women might not think this, men will consider intimacy in the bed as a form of love. They believe it is sexually healing. Most men become closer to their wives after making love. Also, for woman, foreplay is
extremely important. Men need to know this too. If you rush this with your wife, she may feel that you do not love or appreciate her body. Take your time and have fun. You’ll enjoy the experience more.
Laughter
Laughing with your partner is fun and even invites you both to “play” together. Remember the time when you pushed your partner in the pool when he was wearing all his clothes? He wasn’t happy at the time but the both of you laughed about it later. The pictures you took of
him with his shocked expression while falling are simply hilarious. He couldn’t help but laugh at everything that had happened. Giving each other tickles and even making fun of one another is always a great way to put a smile on your face. Every time the two of you laugh, you are creating memories that will last a lifetime. By laughing, you are pushing away anything in your life that is bad. Laughter is a form of healing as well.
Parenting
Being a good parent to your children is very important. The way you treat your children also affects your spouse. If you are a mother who is very stressed because your kids do not listen to you, there is a good chance you yell at the kids every once and awhile. Your husband frowns upon this as he is a very calm and understanding man. Try to analyse to see what he does when the kids are acting up. Learn from him or learn from books on parenting. The way you parent your children will affect them for the rest of your life and believe it or not, you affect those around you in a chain reaction.
The permanent solution for marriage problems
In order to find permanent solution for your marriage problems, you will need to start doing some problem solving. There should be a solution for every problem in marriage such as money issues, infidelity, parenting issues and so forth. Here are some permanent solutions to help you survive the marriage:
Concentrate on yourself
Believe it or not but this tactic works. Ask your partner what aggravates them when it comes to you and work on that attribute of yourself. If he/she say’s you are too bossy, try calming down. Do some mind clearing exercises and learn how to do things on your own. By doing this, you are setting yourself up for a better relationship. You won’t rely on what he/she does and you’ll be able to get most of the stuff done.
Don’t expect too much
When you expect too much from your spouse, they will become miserable in the relationship. It is possible they will feel resentful toward you and this may result in infidelity, arguments, or you they might even move away from you slowly.
Speak with a counselor
Talking to a counselor is better than arguing over the smallest problems. Each side can be heard and you won’t have to worry about this type of communication blowing up into an argument. The counselor will be able to go over some of the progress are gaining as a couple and things may get better than they were before.
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The first novel in our series of seven is now published. It is the courageous story of a young teen growing up in a home filled with domestic violence. We read how she manoeuvres her way through such a difficult situation. Click here if you’d like to know more about this novel.
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