The Chatterbox

Have you ever met someone who would never shut up? Was that person unable to keep their mouth shut at different times about certain things? When required to keep a secret, did that person find it impossible to do so? Have you ever asked yourself why this might be so? Why would someone want to be The Chatterbox?

Consider this: Take a good look at that man or woman’s life. Nine times out of ten you will find that he or she comes from a very painful and abusive background. If he or she has been lucky enough not to fall into the trap of either alcohol or drugs, and if they don’t have any other mind-numbing methods of coping with their pain, then could it be possible that this is the way that he or she processes pain? Could this be the way that as a small child, they found a safety valve that allowed them to cope with the trauma that surrounded them when they were little? Do you think that perhaps what was once a survival mechanism is now just a habit that he or she can’t get out of, or doesn’t realise that they do?

Instead of being angry with this individual, perhaps ask them if it might be possible that these are the reasons why they can’t stop talking and can’t keep secrets. In the past, the way to let of steam and cope with the pain of their environment was to talk. To talk and talk and talk. Now that he or she is an adult this coping mechanism isn’t needed, so in adulthood it is often used inappropriately purely out of habit. Except now the individual isn’t aware of how destructive their coping mechanism can be.

Sometimes it may even be the case that the individual is currently in an abusive, traumatic environment and so it’s their current coping mechanism, not their former one. If that be the case, then until they gain the strength to leave their current environment, they actually need their coping mechanism, despite how destructive it is. The thing that you can do if this is the case is make them aware not to over dramatise situations and not to gossip, because neither of these methods of coping are helpful.

On a parallel note, eating disorders are often a way to cope with sexual abuse. However, eating disorders become self-destructive when they don’t cease to be part of someone’s life when the need to use them as a coping mechanism isn’t there anymore. It’s the same with being a chatterbox.

Don’t be angry with someone who does this. Love them and help them understand why they do what they do so that they can become aware of what they are doing, and in that process of awareness can take control and change their behaviour. Just love them throughout that process.

Note that there are times when it is appropriate to think that the person is causing trouble, and those times will be when they have evil intentions attached to what they do.  If it is their intention to harm people by being a chatterbox, then that is not ok. However, if they are insecure and frightened, and talking is a way of coping with that, then in this case it’s a different story. But if they are evil, and they know that what they are doing is going to cause harm to others, then don’t tolerate it for one minute. This is where you need to use discernment and trust your gut instincts about what others are doing.

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Shortly, we have the first novel in a series of seven being published about the courageous story of a young teen growing up in a home filled with domestic violence, and how she manoeuvres her way through such a difficult situation. Click here if you’d like to know more about this novel.

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