Desperate Mothers

If you were born to a mother who was desperate to have you, then you’re probably going to exhibit many of the traits of a sociopath. Desperate mothers conceive in the emotion of desperation, which affects the child enormously for a great majority of their life. When the child is first born, he or she is expected to meet the needs of the mother at the cost of their own. Unless the mother gets help to change, then throughout her offspring’s childhood the mother’s expectation continues. This is a truly narcissistic and sociopathic relationship, one that is famously brought to attention in the book titled Mommy Dearest. If that was how the most important role model in your own life acted, then that is what you too are likely to be replicating in the way that you relate to others and to your own children.

On an energetic level, if you were conceived in the emotion of desperation, then it’s going to imprint your energy field with that same feeling, and you too will feel desperate from the moment you are born. Take stock and ask yourself if you truly do know how to relate on an equal footing to those around you. What would it take to change that if you don’t know?

The behaviour traits of socio-pathological behaviour has come to my attention lately due to dealing with different people. I’ve been contemplating what behaviours are typical of a sociopath and what might be the possible cause of that behaviour. Obviously, one learns these things when one is young, so it would have to have been influenced by what is happening in the family home, and by the emotions that were going on within the mother while the individual was a baby in utero.

The main trait of a sociopath is that he or she fails to relate in a loving way to anyone around themselves. The individual only knows how to relate through certain types of relationship dynamics, such as those of being a teacher, leader, adviser or law enforcer, or those of being a manager or employer. The dynamic makeup of such a relationship is such that there is an automatic hierarchical structure within this type of setting in that one is the “authority” or “disseminator of information or instructions”, and the other is the “learner’’ or “doer’’. There is an automatic level of respect offered to the one in the dominant position by the one in the less dominant position, so the dominant one doesn’t really need to learn how to relate on an equal level. The less dominant one often gives away his or her power to the more dominant one, so the relationship becomes a kind of co-dependent relationship if it continues for any length of time.

When it comes to friendship, a sociopath doesn’t truly understand what is required of friendship. This lack of ability to relate on an equal footing flows over into relationships where he or she is relating to a romantic partner. When observing the way women will hand over their whole lives to men who abuse them, I have noticed that the men often set “The Rules” when going into the relationship, and the women agree to “The Rules” in the hope that by offering themselves sexually and giving all their love to the man, that he or (in the case of same sex relationships) she will eventually love them in return. “The Rules” usually constitute an obvious lack of equality in meeting the less dominant person’s needs in exchange for the less dominant person meeting the dominant person’s needs fully. Either that or the one who wants a relationship (usually the woman) doesn’t get it. She usually gets the role of being a free sex provider instead. You’ll never have a happy relationship in any kind of situation ie. Friendship, relationship, employer/employee etc whilever there is not an equal exchange of energies along with similar goals and desires from the relationship.

Learning how to be there and support someone else is not an easy task. If you’ve not been shown how to do it by anyone in your past, then you’re not going to know how to do it on your own. When you’re full of anxiety and have all kinds of emotional ups and downs to deal with, it’s very difficult to be strong for others. You’ve first got to become strong within yourself because how can you be there for others when inside yourself there’s a battlefield of thoughts and emotions pulling on you all the time? You can’t, and it’s unrealistic to expect that you can.

Humans aren’t given an easy break in life though. It’s also important to realise that this physical dimension is constantly affected by other dimensions that exist parallel to us in the spiritual realm. Lower astral entities who are invisible to us here in 3D will continuously push and pull at us, and talk into our minds causing us anxiety and confusion. Modern medicine does not take any of this into account, but it’s true; most emotional imbalance is caused by not having been taught how to love and be loved, and by not understanding that the thoughts that we think belong to us are often not ours at all. They are projected to us by entities that we cannot see. Only an understanding of this phenomenon will help us protect ourselves from it, and only with the right spiritual practices and rituals can we do something about it.

Often, people who are genuine sociopaths only know how to relate by befriending others for what they can get out of the friendship. They don’t know how to give to the friendship. They use people. They take what they can and don’t give in return. True sociopaths know exactly what they are doing. They intend to set out to take from the situation, and they will often lie and cheat in order to do so, then deny what they did when they get caught out. They don’t even have to get caught out to go into denial either – they often lie to themselves about what they are doing, so that they don’t have to feel any guilt or remorse. These are the people that you need to avoid.

Take care though not to blame the other individual in all cases. Sometimes the one who appears to be a sociopath has offered to include the other, but due to a lack of self-esteem the one being given the chance to be included has said “no” to any offer of inclusion or to the gift of time or material benefits. Through a lack of feeling worthy, he or she hasn’t allowed the one who appears to be a sociopath to give to the relationship in the way that they wanted to.

Being able to say “yes” to all forms of prosperity, love included, helps you reach a point where you actually can have an equal relationship. If you can’t say “yes, I’ll accept your kind offer,” you end up helping to create what appears to be a sociopathic relationship in your life. Sometimes the one who is unable to accept keeps insisting on giving, so not all situations that eventually become unequal started out that way. They just became that way due to the different levels of self-esteem within the two people involved.

Having said that however, if the one receiving is advanced enough to recognise what is going on, then he or she should also be advanced enough to know not take advantage when the one who feels unworthy keeps offering to give or assist. That is called “taking someone for granted”, or “taking advantage.”

As with all teachings that aim to assist the individual to a point of self-realisation, the most important aspect of being able to have an equal relationship with another person is to first have a high level of love and respect for yourself. Feeling worthy to receive is a vital part of allowing yourself to receive. Saying “yes, count me in” is core to being ready for when true abundance and prosperity finds you in all its various forms.

What constitutes healthy boundaries though? Confusion can sometimes arise from the teaching that in order to advance spiritually or emotionally, one must put up with different situations in order to learn how to have tolerance for others. When you are dealing with someone who is a true sociopath (or rather, psychopath), you must learn how to set boundaries and how to recognise when there is a lack of respect or a form of bullying going on. You have to be able to see people for who they are, in all clarity, without forgetting that they are doing what they are doing based on all of your previous interactions and agreements. The way that you relate now has been set up by the whole of your entire previous conversations and interactions. If you agreed to do certain things and then changed your mind, you also need to tell the other individual with that you’ve changed your mind so that he or she can adjust their expectations of what you have agreed to. If you don’t do that, then he or she will be relating to you based on where they thought the relationship was headed. If that be the case, then they aren’t a sociopath. There was simply a failure to communicate on your part, and you can’t blame the other person for that.

In order not to get taken advantage of though, you have to listen when you’re interacting with others, and not just hear what you want to hear. How can you comprehend that the other individual has said no to certain things if you’ve decided in your own mind that this is how it’s going to be and there will be no deviation from that. If you’ve done that, then you won’t hear the other person speak when they say that they no longer wish to go in a certain direction. Active listening is what is needed if one is going to establish a healthy relationship of any kind. If you don’t like what you hear, you’re always free to walk away.

When I listen to women who discuss their relationships with me, and when I hear their justifications for pursuing the relationship, I can see that they aren’t listening to what they are being told by the man who is the object of their desire. He says “No, I don’t want a relationship. Let’s just be friends with benefits”, and she goes about the process of trying to change that. That’s not active listening. That’s forging ahead regardless, and it’s a rather stupid thing to do if what she wants is to have a proper relationship and get married. Hello? Is there anybody in there? This is what I meant previously when I said that you’ve decided in your own mind that this is how it’s going to be and there will be no deviation from that. What this type of behaviour causes is resentment and hatred of you, because you’re not listening. You can’t blame the man for then doing whatever he has to in order to get you out of his life.

Active listening isn’t always appropriate to the situation though. I remember being told by my parents to “just ignore” the hurtful bullying that was going on around me at school. I was encouraged to not react, but rather, to ignore. In hindsight, this was not an empowering teaching to listen to, but at such a young age I wasn’t aware that I had any other choice, and I wasn’t experienced enough or strong enough at that stage to make up my mind about what was the right way to deal with things. Nor was there an option to leave school, although I must admit that my mother wanted to move me to another school yet my father said it would make me stronger if I stayed and put up with what was going on. That was the wrong teaching to give a young girl who was experiencing extreme cruelty from those around her. I was trapped – I didn’t have a good mentor to help me know how to deal with bullies in the right way, I didn’t have parents who were bolstering my self-esteem and teaching me to love myself, and I wasn’t allowed to walk away from the situation either. I became someone who would punch my way out of a situation, and I learnt to fight and stand up for myself. I became very good at that – there’s a few people who have memories of ending up with a black eye or swollen jaw after I had reached the point where I couldn’t stand their cruelty any longer. Needless to say, I was very angry at how I was being treated.

If I had been a parent to the little me, I wouldn’t have allowed things to happen in the way they did. I would have helped raise my child’s self-esteem and confidence so that they didn’t attract vultures into their existence, and I would have made my home a sanctuary of love so that my child had a safe place to come home to. I would have taught them how to love themselves so that what others said didn’t matter, and I would have taken them out of the situation that was detrimental to them. Most importantly of all, I would have practiced loving myself so that my child learned to do it for themselves through watching me. I would have mentored them through my own behaviour. I would not have allowed anyone to abuse or mistreat me, so that my child could learn what to do when it happened to them. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn any of that from my own family.

Today I know different. If a bully enters my existence, they get one verbal warning and then if he or she fails to listen, I put limits in place so that the individual can no longer harm me. Bullies can be very crafty in the way that they go about what they do too, so one must be on the lookout for what is going on. If he or she interrupts you when you’re speaking and talks over the top of you, and doesn’t allow you to finish what you’re saying, and if they do this regularly, then this individual is a bully, no matter how they try to justify what they are doing. If they say “oh, but I’m trying to help you.” Well no, no they’re not. What they are doing is overriding you, which in effect tells you that what you say or think doesn’t matter. Trying to talk with someone like this isn’t a conversation at all. It’s not equal in any way, shape or form. It’s about the other person being the entire centre of attention and nothing else, and usually the reason for them wanting to do that is because they don’t feel worthy and are trying to make themselves appear knowledgeable or important so that they do feel worthy. They are usually not open to having that fact being pointed out to them either, so until they are, walk away and don’t look back.

Work on loving yourself as a way to learn to love others. Take care of yourself, be assertive, know that you are equally deserving of all that life has to offer. You exist, so how could you not be deserving?! Then once you have learned the lesson of self-inclusion, go out and share it with those you love and those you meet and show them by what you do that life is about interacting with others in a kind and loving way, and enjoying being part of a community. Surround yourself with like-minded people and contribute a piece of yourself to the world through your love and caring for others, and through sharing your creative endeavours with those around you.

~.* ♥ *.~

Update: The first novel in our series of seven is now published, and is a courageous story of a young teen growing up in a home filled with domestic violence, and how she manoeuvres her way through such a difficult situation. Click here if you’d like to know more about this novel.

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