When the Love Within a Marriage Dies
I wrote this article for all the men out there who are wanting to have a mistress while they still have a wife. Life has a funny way of putting the right information in front of us when we need it. If you’ve found this article by randomly searching the net, then you were meant to read what is written here. But be prepared to be woken up when you do. This article isn’t for those who want to read something that suits them. When the Love Within a Marriage Dies, both men and women stay because it’s either convenient or it’s financially better not to leave. Men go searching for someone whom they might leave their wife for, and then start having affairs. Women stay because they’ve got used to the lifestyle, but underneath the social masks that each of them wear, they’re both terribly unhappy.
I recently talked with a guy who tried to justify his extra-marital relationship with a young woman whom he works with. He explained what and why he was doing what he was doing. He wants to develop a relationship with someone else before he leaves his wife. Someone whom he knows will be there for him if he leaves. But he fails to realise that things are much more complicated than what he was trying to say they are. It was only when I told him what I thought of what he’s doing that he conceded that I’m right.
I scolded him for wanting to be secure in all areas of his life so that things are ‘easy’….. so that he didn’t feel too much discomfort in leaving his current situation. I said to him that he needed to remember that it’s in the uncertainty of life that we grow the most. What I saw in his need to stay safe is that at a certain age he had stopped growing. What I said was confronting for him to hear, but emotionally, he still hadn’t learned how to look fear right in the eye and face it. He hadn’t learned to be terrified beyond his wits and yet stand still and not flinch while facing it. In many ways he was very strong, but in the area of spousal relationships he was very weak.
Justifying His Actions
He had gone to great lengths to tell me that he is never derisive and is always encouraging. He said that he always tries to uplift people when he speaks with them and that he treats them with respect. I thought about his spiel and said to him, “You speak respectfully to people, but you’re not honest. You care about your family, but you’re lying to them. So really, were the relationship with your new flame to push forward on that level, it has no long term chance of survival. Nor does it have a chance to help you grow into a fearless individual.” My words hit him like a plank on the head.
To my male readers, the following piece of advice is for you. Don’t kid yourself that women can’t sense when and if their husband has someone else in his life. They can and they do. What women tend to do though, for the sake of financial security, is turn a blind eye to what is going on, hoping that the “problem” will eventually go away.
How Women Push Their Husbands Away
When women have decided that their husband has fulfilled his place in their life, they often stop doing the things needed to make their marriage work and to keep their husband happy. I totally get why many men feel that their marriage has come to an end. So I’m not judging any of them for wanting to pursue someone else. It’s important to realise though that by not separating from your wife when the love is gone, this is where you fail. Both you and your wife are being dishonest. You to her (although she knows that you are lying), and she to you. How is she lying to you? She hasn’t admitted that you’ve served your purpose and she’s just keeping you around because you maintain her in the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed.
If you try to build your relationship with the new flame in your life while ever this is going on in the background, the whole situation will be built on very shaky ground.
Why Women Chooses a Married Man
Women who get involved with men who are married often have self-esteem issues. They choose a man whom they can’t have because their self-esteem only allows them to be with someone who is not really available to them. They often have a fear that they aren’t worthy of having a man who is totally devoted to them. Someone who wants them to be their one and only and hopes for the same from them. So they go out with men who are married in order that it’s very clear right from the beginning that they can’t have him. This fits in with what they feel they deserve. If you have a mistress, have you ever considered that once you became available to be with her, your loving mistress might just run?
How Fair Is It for You to Cheat On Either Woman?
Also, it’s extremely unfair of you to start being intimate with your mistress while you’re still married. Once a woman gives herself over to a man that she feels an emotional connection with, she often drops her boundaries. If you pursue your new flame sexually while you’re still married, she knows that you are willing to use her while you are with someone else. If she isn’t using you herself, this often sets up a dynamic where she won’t ever really trust you. It’ll bring up the shrew in her and you’ll see a side that you hoped you never would.
Kissing Builds the Love
If you want things to work out with her, kiss her by all means. Kissing builds the love without intruding upon her when you’re still entangled with and legally bound to someone else. So wait until you’ve left your wife before you have sex with her. It will prove to her that you didn’t try to use her. She’ll feel much safer with you. She’ll know that you waited and did the right thing by both her and your wife. Because of that, she will feel safe to allow you into her heart. You’ll have proven to be trustworthy, because she will know that you could have pushed yourself onto her and didn’t. You maintained some self control. That’s a huge thing not to have done to her.
If she’s the one throwing herself at you though, ask yourself this question. Why is she wanting someone she can’t have? She knows that you are married. Yet she’s prepared to interfere with your marriage perhaps because there’s a challenge there. So once the challenge is gone, would she still want you? Often not.
Better to Wait
Trust me, if you wait before you get intimate with her, the outcome will be very different. Things are going to work out far better than they would have otherwise. If you use her because you’re horny you don’t build trust – you create mistrust. Yes, you might have feelings for her and most men in this situation will say that they’re not using their new flame.
But most women eventually want commitment, don’t they? Usually she wants to know when you’re going to leave your wife, isn’t that true? She won’t ask you that question if she doesn’t want commitment. What if she does ask that question and you penetrate her without being single and available for a relationship? Things just won’t work when you do finally leave your wife. Every insecurity within her is going to come up and spew itself all over you.
If you have a relationship such as this and you want to leave your wife for her, listen up. Don’t have sex with her until you have left your wife. Keep her as a girlfriend whom you kiss but go no further with – don’t make her a mistress.
Explain to her that you don’t want to use her. Say that you do want to leave your wife. Then explain that you just haven’t plucked up the courage to do so just yet. This is a more truthful version of events than simply getting half involved with her. Involved enough to use her for the sex that you’re no longer getting from your wife…. But not involved enough to be hers. That’s not nice at all. Being honest about your fears is also more respectful than making her the one in the wrong if things don’t work out.
Once you have told the truth, get mentally prepared to leave your wife. Also, go about the necessary financial procedures in order to do so. You’ll feel better about yourself and you’ll be able to look your kids in the eye and know that you haven’t lied to them.
You’ll then be laying the foundations for a wonderfully blissful, loyal, trusting relationship with the lady you want to be with. This is old fashioned advice and an old fashioned way of doing things. But mark my words, there’s truth in what I say. If you follow this guidance, you’re going to have the most happy relationship that you could ever imagine.
~.* ♥ *.~
If you’d like to join our Match Making Service to meet that special someone with whom you can share love and happiness, please see our website at www.lovehonourandrespect.me . We’re still in the process of creating the site and setting up the service, but soon you’ll be able to join. So get ready to meet your Most Perfect Match.