The 21st century has opened up more information that women can draw upon due to the printing press, the Internet and the media (although, take a lot of what is presented to you on the television with a grain of salt). This means that women are much more aware that they can have a bigger influence than they had in the past. Due to the Feminist movement of the sixties, Western women have more choices available to them, which for some is a good thing and for others perhaps not. The Church has decreased in influence, which is beneficial because the controlling ways of religion are gone, however, the good influences are gone as well….. which isn’t necessarily a good thing. Humans still need some guidelines as to how to live in a decent manner, so the loss of these teachings has had a negative effect upon society and is evident in the behaviour of people today.
The new ‘religion’ is the ‘beauty myth’. The beauty myth says that if you don’t look a certain way, you aren’t acceptable and you don’t deserve to be loved. This beauty myth is still just as effective at suppressing women as religion once was. It is insidiously projected at women through advertising and through the media in one way or another, affecting women at a very deep level without them necessarily being aware of what is happening to them. Some of the messages are subliminal. In other words, behind the images that we’re actually able to see with our eyes, are words and phrases that condition us to think a certain way. There are also sexual images embedded into photos or graphics that are placed there in such a subtle way that upon first glance we don’t see them. All of these things have an affect on the way we view ourselves as women, and on how we feel about ourselves also.
The enforcement of a new idea is only possible when people are unaware that they are being conditioned. Those who are involved in positions of leadership such as leaders in the church, teachers in schools, leaders in government, movie-makers and those in the advertising world, know how these methods work and take full advantage of this fact. They use repetition to drench the mind in whatever ideas are contained within their message, and the observer (who is unaware of what is going on) is affected by the repetition, becoming an unknowing participant in their own enslavement. If people were given all the facts about what psychological methods were being used in charismatic leadership and in advertising, they would resist the urge to act upon the suggestions made. The methods used are purposely kept secret so that the outcome that is desired by those who are using the methods can be attained. Those who are promoting their agendas are only successful due to the fact that people are so unaware.
With regards to the beauty myth, it is very important that messages and images which counter the messages and images of the beauty myth be as equally available and as equally promoted as the messages of the beauty myth so that women can be accepting of themselves, no matter how they look. This is psychological abuse outside of a relationship, but it affects relationships nevertheless, because it affects how women feel about themselves.
Another form of psychological abuse is when men (or even other women) use verbal sexual abuse against a woman. When patriarchy took over from matriarchy approximately 4000 years ago, women were forced to live with a whole new way of thinking. They had previously been the owners of property and the market stall holders in charge of the family’s wealth. The woman was free to have or leave a relationship whenever she felt she needed to. When patriarchy took over, it was often done in a violent manner where entire small towns were invaded and the men slaughtered. Women became frightened by that, and due to the fear for themselves and their children they were forced to submit to the men who took over their towns and cities. The taboos espoused by the monotheistic religions brought by these invaders (along with the culture oriented taboos of the tribes and groups), were then used to make sure that a woman stayed with the man who sired her children, which meant that no man would be supporting the upbringing of another mans’ child. Woman was taught that she had no right to leave if her husband was being abusive, and the way that she was kept in line (so to speak), was that she was made to feel that being with more than one man made her a whore. Sometimes, for the safety of herself and her children, it is essential that a woman does leave because she and her children are being abused, however she’ll be afraid to do that because of what she believes she’ll become if she does. Once a woman has certain beliefs about who it is she is meant to be, then it’s easy to control her and make her feel guilty about leaving an abusive partner. Unfortunately, an abusive man will play on this as well, and in the process of psychologically abusing her, he’ll degrade her if she even thinks about leaving him. It’s the fascist dictator coming out in the man…. the dark side of humanity that is so prevalent throughout the ages.
It is so very unfortunate that insecure men who are abusive will target a woman’s positive qualities when abusing her, and so if she is attractive they will shame her for being so. It is easy to control people when they fear rejection, so any man that is attempting to control the woman he is with is able to curb the woman’s belief in herself and lower her confidence by labeling her a whore if she leaves him, or by accusing her of being a seductress if another man even looks at her, or by telling her that she can’t look after herself without him. It’s mental torture, which is the man’s way of forcing control upon a woman and projecting his fears onto her.
There are many forms of abuse… not just physical. Shaming and degrading a woman are some of the most insidious forms of psychological abuse and can be found in homes, in schools and in the workforce everywhere. If you are experiencing this, do not be afraid to leave the man who is doing it to you, or do not be afraid to report it if this is happening in your school or workplace. You are worth so much more than that. Never be ashamed of who you are, and never let someone else dump their own shame or insecurity on you. Essentially, that is what is happening whenever you’re in a relationship with an abuser. They are offloading their own shit on you. If they are slinging mud, it’s because the inside of their house is muddy, not yours. Never be afraid to leave an abuser.
